A cure for the common cold

You have razor blades in your throat and water-filled eyes and bubbling nostrils and you’ve become deaf in one ear and you can’t talk without coughing yourself inside out, and every now and then you sneeze and sneeze and sneeze until your nose falls off.

You have a cold.

Some people wrap their heads in gauze and carry on regardless; others share their wet, watery germs with as many people as possible; others stay at home hidden beneath a pile of damp tissues; a few turn to alcohol and other recreational options. However you handle it, there comes a point in the evening when you’ve just about had enough of the wretched thing. Here is a suggestion for when that moment comes.

  1. Run a hot steaming bath and fill it with bubbles. Close all the windows and take something interesting to read – I would suggest one of the graphic guides from the wonderful Introducing Books team (@graphicguides).
  2. While the bath is running squeeze the juice of one lemon into a glass tumbler, and keep squeezing until there is no squeezing left to be done.
  3. Add a spoonful of honey – not set honey but that runny honey stuff that somehow gets all over your fingers.
  4. Add hot water until the tumbler is half full and stir vigorously.
  5. Lie in the bath amongst all the bubbles and the steam, and drink the drink and stay there until you have hardly any energy left at all.
  6. Get out of the bath, dry yourself, and climb into a freshly made bed with clean sheets and a thick duvet.
  7. If appropriate, spray Difflam into your throat.
  8. Think of nothing.
  9. Sleep.

In the morning you will wake up cured. If not, repeat each evening until you are.

Categories: Strays

Tags: ,

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