Dear Auntie, could you please stop your continual use of the third text message? I know what you’re doing and it won’t work.

Like yesterday. I told you I was going out, so you sent me a message.

Have a nice day out. Hope you enjoy the zoo x

That was fine. That was a nice message. So, I texted back and said,

Thank you. I will x

The exchange was over. No more was required. Everyone knows that. We had a democratic dialogue. One message each. Adult to adult. But then my phone beeped and you sent:

Enjoy x

Why would you do that? There was no need for a third text message. There was no question in my reply. We were done. But now I felt patronised. So, I sent,

Will do

No little x. You’re making me hate myself. Why am I so small-minded? But then, back came:

Excellent. And a smiley face.

Oh, that was mean. A full stop. As if you’re the parent in the conversation and it’s your job to close it down. Making me the child. But you’ve revealed yourself with your passive-aggressive manoeuvre.

So, I sent a thumbs-up.

And back came a line of emojis – a zebra, an elephant, a lion, a tiger, some kind of rodent and a seal with a ball on its nose.

Cunning. So, I sent you a laughing face with tears coming out of its eyes and a picture of a dolphin, a penguin, an ostrich, a pelican with a fish sticking out of its beak, a lizard…

You do know I never got to go out? The whole day I was on the phone, backwards and forwards with you until it got dark and I gave up. Is that what you wanted?

Don’t answer that. Stop trying to control everything.

Your loving nephew. xxx

Image courtesy of Pexels.

Categories: Dear Auntie, Writerly Things

Tags: flash-fiction, Humour, Writing